If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
