she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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