So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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