One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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