everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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