If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize