That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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