final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
