There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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