so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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