just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
