we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
