cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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