I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
