And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
