hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Randomize
