Dignity is for republicans.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
