he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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