There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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