I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize