So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
