Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
false alarm, still single
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
