i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So here I am, sexting at work.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
