I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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