Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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