Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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