So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
