I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
