you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
