How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize