just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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