I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
