My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
