Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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