I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize