I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
