I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
