i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
