We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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