I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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