this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
