I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
