yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
