white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
