I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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