i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
