I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize