After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
