i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
