so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
