weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
