We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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