So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
