i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
