Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize