How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
