I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
