Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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