I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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