the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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