he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
