Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it was like eating out sand paper
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
