I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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