I think I am morally bankrupt
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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