I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
