walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize