so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
