i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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