In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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