I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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