If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
