It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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