it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
