You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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