we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
