Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
