my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
