My room smells like vodka and shame
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
