Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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