The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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