I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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