I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im six kinds of drunk right now
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
