It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
