I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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