I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
