totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We need a shit load of segways right now
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
