maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
