i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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