So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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