moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
