i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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